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Ten Commandments for Alarm Clock Users

Posted by Allison on Jan 14, 2010 with 1 Comment
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1. Thou shalt always choose an alarm that sounds nothing like your partner’s cell phone ring.
2. Thou shalt never set the alarm too early to allow for snoozing.
3. Thou shalt always turn off the alarm before it wakes your partner.
4. Thou shalt never knock everything off the nightstand while attempting to silence the alarm.
5. Thou shalt always keep the alarm within reach.
6. Thou shalt never snooze more than once.
7. Thou shalt always remember to set the alarm before going to bed.
8. Thou shalt never turn a light on in the middle of the night to set a forgotten alarm.
9. Thou shalt always turn the alarm off before going to bed when it will not be required the next morning.
10. Thou shalt never snooze the alarm then carry it across the room and leave it there while taking a shower forcing your partner to stumble around trying to silence it and tripping in the dark making a racket then innocently asking “What’s wrong?”

Nudity

Posted by Allison on Oct 20, 2009 with 1 Comment
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I’m starting to understand the appeal.  Not that I didn’t understand a certain charm it held in particular circumstances, but overall I never found the idea of nakedness to be particularly attractive.  What’s changed my perspective isn’t a sudden epiphany that will change the course of my life but more a constant nudging from countless hours of drudgery which goes by the name of Laundry.

Laundry and I have not been getting along lately.  Everytime I think I’m finished with Laundry I find it has somehow reproduced itself.  Laundry is worse than bunnies.  Laundry is the houseguest that never leaves.  Laundry is more dogged than a telemarketer.  The things in life that are certain should be death, taxes and Laundry.  Unless you’re a nudist.

In a house of five people and one dog I do at least two loads of laundry daily.  At least.  If all or some or even just one of us has gone out of town for the weekend, or just a sleepover at a friend’s house, that easily doubles.  Sometimes when I’m feeling super industrious I get the idea that I will get all the Laundry done in one day so I won’t have to deal with it cluttering up my floor.  On days like that I end up doing five and sometimes six loads.  That’s a lot of Laundry.  Once that last load has been scooped up and tossed into the washer there is that feeling of relief and accomplishment.  I feel super and even superior because I have conquered the Laundry.  Then someone takes off their socks.

The only cure for Laundry is nudity.  What isn’t worn doesn’t need to be washed.  Except curtains on occasion.  Bedsheets and blankets too but weekly is fine for those.  And towels. FRICK!!!

Okay, the cure for Laundry is nudity, vertical blinds, beds of straw and drip drying.  Like I said: death, taxes and Laundry.

We Got Department Stores And Toilet Paper

Posted by Allison on Nov 6, 2006 with Comments Closed
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In a world where men and women with substantial IQ’s have gone above and beyond the old single ply toilet paper to invent not just the double, but also the triple ply and have climbed atop the proverbial throne bearing rolls with super-absorbent ridges, decorative embossments and even quilting it is still possible to [...]

Just Another Manic Monday

Posted by Allison on Jun 12, 2006 with Comments Closed
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Just a couple things I noticed as I was driving to work this morning.

A woman I passed on the expressway had a bumper sticker on her trunk that said “Jesus is coming. LOOK BUSY!” Made me chuckle.
A Sherwin-Williams Paint truck had a picture on the back of a giant paint can pouring out over [...]

The Cats In The Cradle And The Silver Spoon

Posted by Allison on Jun 11, 2006 with Comments Closed
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When PK was little, and I mean actually little as opposed to her current medium size that some people still refer to as little, she really wanted a cat. It wasn’t very difficult for me to say no to her for two reasons. A) I’m horribly allergic to cats and B) I can’t [...]