He’s Racing and Pacing and Plotting His Course

I didn’t want to say it. It’s hard to admit. It’s just so silly. Really really silly. I’m addicted to something that I always swore I would never become attached to. Something I always laughed at others for being sucked into. What’s even worse is that it’s a disease that most commonly afflicts men but it seems that I’ve caught it. It’s a video game.

Not just any video game though. A somewhat lame video game. I mean, it’s fun and obviously interesting enough to garner continued attention, but it’s not one of the new 3D graphics heavy PS2 super games. It’s not even retro like an old copy of Frogger for the Atari. It’s from that middle phase of video gaming that people recall as being cool at the time but skim past in search of something a little more current.

So this game that has become my favorite post-bedtime pastime is for the Nintendo 64 game system. You’ll all know it. It’s Mario Karts. You know, the one where all the characters from the Super Mario games are in little go-carts driving around these insane courses and shooting colored turtle shells at each other. Yeah, that’s the one. Eight possible players for me to be, sixteen courses to race around. I actually spent an hour and a half over the weekend attempting to beat the time trial record for Yoshi’s Valley. And I never did.

Yes, I really am this lame. But they talk and giggle and yell. Every time you pass someone they say something. That Peach is a real bitch about it too so I derive great joy from dropping a banana peel directly in front of her and watching her fly up and out of my sight.

My personal favorite is Yoshi. I’ve been a Yoshi fan since he first entered the Mario world. I was 14 the first time I saw Yoshi shoot an egg out of his mouth and that was all it took. I was hooked. He’s a quiet little fellow but a great racer. Yoshi and I make a great team. Someday Yoshi will get the attention and admiration he deserves, until then he and I will just while away the time by knocking Bowser off bridges.

Right, so I’ve gotten a little bit wrapped up in this game. When that little guy on the cloud waves the flag things get a little intense, but it’s good to have an outlet for my aggression. Right? I think I’ve been a lot calmer since I started releasing my anger on Wario. I mean, it’s all harmless fun right? So I just wanted to say thank you to the dumbass who I dated for almost two years and who left me a pair of drumsticks, a fan and an N64 when he took off because it’s probably the nicest thing he ever did for me. Yoshi and I are very happy without him.