You’re Cold As Ice

Ever since I was a young impressionable teenager I have wanted to go to a real hockey game. Hockey fans are so passionately involved in their sport. They have this small and somewhat elite club that only a person who is willing to devote themselves whole-heartedly to these ice battles can join. I don’t know that I’m quite ready to jump in at that level but I’ll gladly dip my toe in the frigid waters to find out if I am the sort of person who can get their kicks from watching opposing teams bashing each other into the boards before spitting blood through the gaping holes in their mouths where teeth were meant to sparkle.

In junior high my cousin promised me that we would go to a game. But then he moved and I moved on. In high school I had friends on the school’s unofficial team (the school couldn’t sponsor the team on the record for insurance reasons) and desparately wanted to watch them play but my lack of a driver’s license hindered my attempts. Post high school I went through a drought. None of my boyfriends played and time was precious with PK. After several years in a hockey-less existence I met people at work who were hockey fans. They vowed that we’d go to a game once the season started again in the fall but I got laid off before the Stanley Cup was awarded in the spring. However, my new job seemed ripe with opportunity. A boss who is an avid hockey fan and even still plays (although he’s getting pretty old and it might be time to retire the skates or at least trade the stick in for an ice walker) in a weekly league. Every year he says that there will be a company outing to see the Hawks. Or the Wolves. Because it’s more fun when the team you’re rooting for actually wins. Still, it hasn’t happened yet.

This year seemed so promising though. The boss is still waxing on about the company outing which, if history is any indication, won’t happen, but even better is the Boy. Yes, that Boy. The Boy may be many things, but when he talks hockey I hear a distinct note of sincerity so when he promises that we’ll go see a game I believe him. Except there’s still a hitch.

The Lockout. The damn players and the damn owners and the damn league can’t get their damn heads out of their damn rears and the damn season is going down the damn drain. DAMN IT! I’ve read about the dispute over their Collective Bargaining Agreement. I spent time at www.espn.com reading the history of the leagues troubles. I understand that the league is losing money and the players are getting paid too much. What I don’t understand is why they can’t find a compromise. There’s always a compromise available but in this case no one is looking for it. They don’t even have talks scheduled! I personally have my opinions as to how this should end but that’s not even important here. What is important is that it ends. That the players stop pressing their noses against the windows where they’re watching others play and get their noses pressed against the glass while they’re playing. So someone please make it end. For me.

Seriously, I want to be a hockey fan but I can’t do it if they aren’t playing hockey. I would hate to lose another year watching sappy made-for-tv movies on the Lifetime channel when my time could be so much better spent watching giant squid being thrown from the stands then being scooped up and taken for a ride on the Zamboni.