If You Want To Kiss The Sky

I have 100 entries posted on this site. 100 sets of paragraphs talking about different aspects of my life, things that make me laugh or puzzle me, links to other places I’ve been and thoughts about the world around me. Every now and then I crack the surface a little and share something a bit more personal. Usually it’s nothing surprising. I stay away from close examinations of my emotions unless it’s in vague terms or over expected subjects. It’s one thing to post a sad poem without telling the source of the pain or to talk about wistful longing for the fleeting youth of my daughters but it’s different to say something that’s really real.

I’m fairly guarded about my inner self. I don’t open the door for just anyone. I keep a tight lid on my vulnerabilities and have built a fortress to protect my heart. Mostly that’s worked out fine for me. Friends don’t mind taking the time to work their way through the chinks in my armor. There’s no rush. The only time it’s a problem is in relationships. Everyone wants inside without having to go through the obstacle course. Whether that’s fair or not I leave for others to decide. It is what it is.

Standing in my stone tower I’m presented with an option. I built this castle to lock out those who would hurt me but my stronghold has turned on me and is now holding me hostage from someone who might want to love me. The trick is that I’m still holding the key and can open the door at any time. The question is whether I’m brave enough to turn it and let myself out.

He doesn’t trust me and it seems that it’s because I’ve given him reason not to. His friends and his family don’t want us to be together. The honest truth is that my family might not be too keen on this either if I ever had the guts to tell them. He’s much braver than I because he at least had the courage to face their disapproval. He’s made sacrifices because he cares for me and I haven’t appreciated the risks he’s taken. But I’m starting to see. I’m starting to understand.

Boy, you have the most beautiful heart I’ve ever seen. I see you growing and changing and I am amazed by who you are. Your strength and passion are like a fire that keeps me warm and sheds light on the darkest places in me. You make me want to dust out the hidden corners in my mind and heart so that I can be clean and new just for you. My everything isn’t much but I will give it all to you. If I act like a fool then at least I do it for love.

If I were a man I would send you flowers
If I were rich I would buy you a car
If I were an artist I would paint you a sunset
If I were an astronomer I would find you a star

But all I am is a poet
And an off-key one at that
A verse is all I have to give
And even this is falling flat

Save us all from this rhyming
It was awful right from the start
Tell me that you’ll have me
And I’ll give you the key to my heart