At The Fireplace While We Watch The Chestnuts Pop

You may have noticed that I spend an inordinate amount of time writing about things related to bathrooms. I’ve discussed falling shower curtains, messy public bathrooms, flushing clogged milk ducts (which is not actually a bathroom thing but has the words flush and clog so close enough right?) and most recently anorexic single-ply. Why? Because my life revolves around bathrooms. So does yours it’s just that you either haven’t realized it yet or you just don’t want to talk about it.

Everyone thinks that the kitchen is the center of the household where are the family members meet and talk and catch up while making a snack or grabbing a drink. It’s where the cooking happens and since we eat approximately three times a day it seems to be the crossroad for everyone and everything. I propose that there is another place where important family interactions occur on a regular basis and that is in the bathroom. Don’t doubt me just because Norman Rockwell didn’t paint it.

Think about it. Where does everyone want to be in the morning? Where is the line before bed at night? Where’s the last place everyone visits before leaving the house and the first place they go when they get home? The bathroom. The center of the home.

I realized the importance of bathrooms long ago. Five years ago when I was still working at the root of all evil (ie the company that still owed me enough money to pay off my credit cards, car and mortgage for a year) I was at a show working in our booth when I conceived the perfect bathroom. It’s the size of a bedroom with two vanities below a wide mirror next to a full-length mirror. It has a separate alcove for the toilet, but not with a door because who wants to be shut up in a closet when you’re taking a big ole smelly you-know-what. The floor is carpeted by the toilet and sinks but is tiled in front of the double-wide shower with jets running floor to ceiling on two sides as well as at the foot of the steps leading to the whirlpool bathtub. Directly across from the bathtub is a fireplace because it takes forever to light enough candles to read by in the bathtub and I’m always worried I’ll knock one over and burn something plus it’s a fantastic mood setter in addition to being a wonderful way to warm up the bathroom without running up the water bill.

Bathrooms are so critical in my life that I based my decision on what home to buy on the difference in bathrooms. One place had two full baths, one master and one in the hall while the other had one large “super” bath that connected the two bedrooms. I chose the “super” bath house.

For some families the bathroom is all about privacy but in my house it’s all about community so we go for size over quantity. There may be locks on the doors but they’re really more of a formality than anything else. Even a locked door doesn’t stay that way for long. It’s impossible to ignore incessant screaming, pounding, kicking and thumping for more than a few seconds so as a general rule, unless you’re a guy, it’s best to not lock the bathroom door. That’s why size matters because in a matter of minutes the whole family is crowded into the bathroom.

Spy Baby will sit on the floor coloring while her sister relieves herself and I do the morning dance between all my hair products and styling implements. I’m sure we all look quite ridiculous as Boyfriend can undoubtedly attest to. Then we switch. SB gets her teeth brushed while mommy checks the size of her ghetto booty and Princess Know-it-all cries over the tangles in her hair. The bathroom in the morning is more complicated that a Broadway production.

But we’re all in it and that’s what counts. I can’t imagine getting ready in the morning without the hustle and bustle of my girls twirling around me. It’s unfathomable and I haven’t even mentioned the evening bath routine! In our house the kitchen is important but it’s not central. In the kitchen we cook and do dishes and we have the occasional knock-down drag-out fight-to-the-death screaming tantrum argument but that’s not what makes a room special. It was in the bathroom that I explained the facts of life to PK. It’s in the bathroom that SB greets me with a morning hug and kiss. Those are the moments I remember and cherish.

Someday I may have my luxurious dream master bathroom but even if I do it’s likely that the bathtub will be full of pillows and blankets so we can curl up together in front of the fire. And that will be just fine.