Tick Tock Goes the Clock, WWSD?
There’s never enough time, but at Christmas that goes doubly true. There are so many more activities, get-togethers, parties and shindigs and those are matched by an equal increase in shopping, cleaning, cooking and other assorted to-dos. Not to mention the regular day to day life stuff.
I’m stymied and stuck. I have sugar cookies to cut out and decorate, floors that need sweeping and mopping, shirts that need to be ironed and presents that need to be wrapped. Unfortunately I’m tired from all the baking, cleaning, laundering and wrapping I’ve already done. I’m out of motivation and I’m thinking WWSD, or What Would Santa Do?
I think that’s a good way to get through the holidays. Perhaps I’ll sell bracelets to crazed last minute shoppers. It’s at least a good stocking stuffer.
If Santa was behind on his baking he’d call Mrs. Claus (who doesn’t ever get a first name which is very discriminatory if you ask me) and ask her for a hand. If his floors needed cleaning he’d call Mrs. Claus to pull out the broom and get to work. A wrinkled red suit would be immediately care for by his loving wife. Wrapping presents shouldn’t be a problem for the jolly old elf with all those little elves at his disposal, but should he find them slacking he could always enlist the Mrs. for an extra set of hands.
I guess the answer to what Santa would do is that he’d dump it all on his long-suffering wife. So where do I get one of those? Is it to late to add to my Christmas list?
Nudity
I’m starting to understand the appeal. Not that I didn’t understand a certain charm it held in particular circumstances, but overall I never found the idea of nakedness to be particularly attractive. What’s changed my perspective isn’t a sudden epiphany that will change the course of my life but more a constant nudging from countless hours of drudgery which goes by the name of Laundry.
Laundry and I have not been getting along lately. Everytime I think I’m finished with Laundry I find it has somehow reproduced itself. Laundry is worse than bunnies. Laundry is the houseguest that never leaves. Laundry is more dogged than a telemarketer. The things in life that are certain should be death, taxes and Laundry. Unless you’re a nudist.
In a house of five people and one dog I do at least two loads of laundry daily. At least. If all or some or even just one of us has gone out of town for the weekend, or just a sleepover at a friend’s house, that easily doubles. Sometimes when I’m feeling super industrious I get the idea that I will get all the Laundry done in one day so I won’t have to deal with it cluttering up my floor. On days like that I end up doing five and sometimes six loads. That’s a lot of Laundry. Once that last load has been scooped up and tossed into the washer there is that feeling of relief and accomplishment. I feel super and even superior because I have conquered the Laundry. Then someone takes off their socks.
The only cure for Laundry is nudity. What isn’t worn doesn’t need to be washed. Except curtains on occasion. Bedsheets and blankets too but weekly is fine for those. And towels. FRICK!!!
Okay, the cure for Laundry is nudity, vertical blinds, beds of straw and drip drying. Like I said: death, taxes and Laundry.
Let My Love Open The Door
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My new outgoing voice mail message at work:
Due to the type of insulation used in the construction of this building I have been experiencing consistent signal interruptions to my clairvoyance so I ask that you leave a detailed message and explain what you mean since without my extrasensory perception I can only do exactly what [...]
Share The Wine At My Table
The following is not an endorsement of any product nor is it a sanction of any such action which would lead to the creation of such gibberish as would be created in an inebriated state following the imbibing of aforementioned unendorsed product. Wifey knows what I’m talking about.
He will hear gossip whisper sense like
Mother [...]
